Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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