his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
