I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
