Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
