I think I died a long time ago.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
