Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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