this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
