Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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