420 ftw
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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