I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize