Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she smelled like a LAN party
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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