I think my fart just growled at me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
