Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
