I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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