1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
