I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
