dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
