The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
