after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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