I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
