yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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