i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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