I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There r osticjed everywhere
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
