dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
