Buhtt sex?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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