So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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