People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I need a beard to bite.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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