the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
