i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
