I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize