don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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