you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
