Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Semen is not good for contacts.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
