just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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