So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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