just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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