ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize