do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize