I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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