Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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