I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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