dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
