so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
