the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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