If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
