I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
