I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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