sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
