His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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