I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
