i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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