I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
