I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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