What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
