I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
