its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize