then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
