it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
