Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
