I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
