those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
BRING THE BAGELS
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
