Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Someone signed my nipple.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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