i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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