Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
