I need help removing her.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
