A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
