It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
