My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
